schizoid

I guess i could seem quite a little schizophrenic these days as i just realised when reading the titles of my posts on this blog. one minute i'm swearing about trains or football players or quoting angry prose from chick plahniuk books [not why i like his books so much, but it doesn't hurt to pull out some pretty hardcore sounding quotes in certain situations] and the next i am twee and quaint, blogging about how much i love the new doctor who [and well, doctor who in general] and what kind of comic books i've read or film adaptations of comic books ive seen lately and what not. I'm sitting in a lab at uni pondering the implications of this new curfew the government wants to introduce as they can't come up with any creative ways to dispel the youth induced carnage on our roads, whilst i am wearing a bowtie. [i quote the doctor on last nights episode "amy's choice" when he was talking to himself (more on that later) "bowties are cool".]
So this curfew, which is described in short here is being discussed today in a round table [the government think they're the knight's of camelot now] today and is an idea they've concocted to help slash the road toll, which is up 15 people from this time last year. i think this is going to turn into one of those 2am lockout type things and isn't going to work because, let's face it, there are always going to be stupid people doing stupid things no matter what the laws are, they haven't thought about the implications of people who work in hospitality, when i worked at the espy i started work at 9pm and finished at 3am, and there's no way to get from st kilda to coburg via public transport at that ungodly hour, i had to drive. and what about the designated driver? if you can't drive your friends home after midnight then the whole group will just get drunk, and if there isn't at least one sober person in the bunch, then they're more likely to do something stupid like get in a car and drive into a tree. honestly government people, i thought you would have learned by now to consider all the options and put yourselves in the shoes of the average person. remember the first time you tried that by calling a press conference at a train station and catching the train in? do you remember that? yeah, oh course you do, because you were 20 minutes late you dingbat because you're running a system that doesn't work, and if you'd ever been on the train system before you would have known to catch the earlier one "just in case".
this is really just going to punish safe drivers who do the right thing. i don't mind being designated driver, i personally like driving and on occasion would rather drive than drink and thus be the hero of the night taking everyone home safely when frivolities have come to an end. are you going to improve the public transport system to cater for these rules? i mean young drivers are mostly students or part time/casual workers, making very little money and possibly still living at home. in my case, home is a very long way away from the city and too far to catch a taxi, so if i'm going out and want to get home, i drive. night rider buses don't go out my way, and they hardly go where you need them to go anyway. i propose night riders that follow all tram and train lines to a tee so that people can actually get home at the end of the night. can you deal with that to compensate for these changes government? seeing how poorly these buses already run i'm going to say no.
i think the issue isn't just a blanket problem for drivers under 25. these are the least experienced drivers on the road yes, but they aren't the only problem. if you seriously and accurately want to make the roads safer then perhaps it would be helpful to introduce a psychological test to accompany driving skills test when one is going for their license to assess whether the applicant is at a maturity level able to handle the challenge of driving and all the risks involved. of course a hoon isn't going to hoon in their driving test, they do that shit when instructors and officials aren't looking. and maybe every time one goes to renew their license they should have to do the tests again to make sure they haven't slackened and forgotten simple road rules. placing a curfew on young drivers is not the answer to these problems. you're just punishing the obedient and giving another challenge to the idiots.
ok, now to doctor who. i missed watching it on tv because i was at work, and shall be every sunday for the next two weeks, so i had to watch it on iview. when i first jumped on it wouldn't work because the sibling and male_parental_unit were both on the internet at the same time and considering the fact that we can't even get out phone to work at the moment, it goes that our internet connection is weak at best. so i went and watched bones and castle waiting for someone to get off the net and came back in to let the episode load. even without anyone else blocking my bandwidth it took me 1 and a half hours of loading, playing, pausing, loading, playing, pausing, loading etc to watch the episode, but it was worth it. the new series is getting a bit existential. questions such as "what is the point of you" directed at the doctor are starting to be raised, and given the guilt trip of the space fish queen in last weeks episode, it is starting to look pretty dubious for our hero. this week a dream lord tricked the doctor, amy and rory into playing a game of dream and reality. it turned out at the end...


SPOILER ALERT!!!

that the dream lord was in fact the doctor himself, a darker version of himself which some wacky space dust stuff [i forget what it was called and shall do no more prying as the bbc doctor who website is a week ahead of our doctor who viewing and i just found out something i didn't want to know yet. gosh, warning much bbc...] was feeding off and projecting in their minds as the dream lord. it's sad because earlier in the episode when the doctor figured out who the dream lord was he said "there's only one person in the universe who hates me this much" and that means that he hates himself. i get the feeling this hatred comes from him letting entire species of alien life form die to save the humane race, abandoning his companions when they're all grown up etc. i don't like to see the doctor so sad because he is brilliant and wears bowties and tweed jackets.
all this meaning of life stuff is really getting to me and amy's question bugged me a lot last night as i tried to sleep. "what is the point of you?" what is the point of the doctor, i mean, what exactly do time lords do? he is brilliant and saves amy and rory a lot, but if he hadn't have come around in the first place they would never have been in trouble. he seems quite narcissistic jet setting through time and space, changing the course of the universe. i mean he did go back in time and inadvertently make the dalek's as dangerous as they are now. he gave them that knowledge.
oh, and hey, what is with the dalek's? they're like the big bad of doctor who, like the joker to the doctors batman, but they can't even go up stairs. oooo, i'm so scared. sorry doctor who writers, but that's pretty lame.
i do wish i had a tradis though. that would be awesome.
in other news, lovely_girl did some trawling and found a picture of us all dressed up at fed square somewhere online [she will not reveal her sources, but i will also continue to look]. she is already wearing a mask so her face can stay, but if i were a marvel character and having to choose sides in the avengers series i'd be on captain america's side [i know he died but i want to keep my identity secret, i'm just a humble blogger, not some tony stark].

and the fact that I'm trying to fuck you in a church to save my mom's brain

so i bought choke on dvd the other day because a) i love sam rockwell i think he is wonderful b) because it's based on a chuck palahniuk book and as i have previously, i love his too and c) it was on special at jb for $9.98, how could i refuse. god it's a good film. the old ladies in it are so funny. and when his mother... well, you'll just have to see it. actually, if you intend on also reading the book, might i suggests reading the book first, then watch the film. going in the other direction diminishes the brilliance of the book a bit. "and what ever you do, don't rape me on the bed, the bed is silk". brilliant. heather burns cameo is brilliant. but seriously this boy can move.
my favourite part of iron man 2 was when he was all cocky about his fighter robots and he was at the conference dancing on stage. and charlie's angels when we finally find out that he's the bad guy and he starts dancing while drew barrymore is all tied up.
man im tired. i stayed up late last night not doing anything and now im exhausted. i dont think i'll make it the whole way through work tonight. i don't know, i might. i cleaned my room today whilst listening to maggie gyllenhaal reading the bell jar. i've always wanted to read it, but there are so many other books i wanna read that pop up first and when i found the audio version complete with the dulcet tones of maggie's voice i couldn't resist. she has such a beautiful voice and it makes the bell jar sound so magically elegant. i wish i spoke in a 1950s kind of drawl using amazing words like "oh darling" and "isn't he a card?" and "oh that's just elegant". i'd need a drastic wardrobe change and my hair would need to be in proper curls and not just wild untamed mane kinda curl's. pin curl's if i had the time. or rollers.
i wonder what my stripper name would be. or my roller derby one. i've been thinking about it but it's hard, i'm not that clever. i mean i have come up with alright one's for my roller derby alter ego, but i want a heaps witty one like the names of the characters on whip it.
and we're back to drew barrymore.
i've been trying to find some photo's from yesterday but i don't know where to look. i mean heaps of people took our picture so there have to be some out their somewhere, but where... i thought the age website might have some pictures, but it doesn't. i mean how is the winner of the eurovision song contest bigger breaking news than melbourne getting a world record. especially one relating to comic books, which is normally something reserved for a minority and not enough people to break a world record. i mean i understand gary coleman's death still sorta being a big news story, and dennis hopper's is definitely news worthy, but eurovision...
success. the herald sun website has a gallery. fingers crossed we're on it. could take a while to get through though. the internet has been crazy since the phone lines started going down. and i need to save the download and load capacity for iview tonight because i'll miss doctor who as i'll be at work, so i'll have to watch it on iview.
ok, so there are no pictures of lovely_girl and i. what a shame. i'll keep looking though, maybe some of the photo's will be on facebook or something.
pomegranate and cranberry juice assortments are on sale at coles. i'm feeling a little more awake now. so much juice sugar. and apparently cranberry juice is really good for the skin. and i need all the help i can get.
well here are some moves of sam's. see, i'm not making this up. if he could sing as well he'd be a modern day gene kelly or something. a triple threat.

happily watching the first ever ep of doctor who

the first doctor is old. i much prefer the recent babes. the ep's been going to 15 minutes and he only just showed up. so far it's been all about some weird 15 year old girl. he's grumpy too. get out of my tardis. blah blah blah. it's funny though, because the companions [of what little i have seen of doctor who in detail ie paying attention to more than just the ducted heating installation materials used to make the costumes of the cybermen] just seem to get the whole time traveling thing straight away, but outsiders are so perplexed and all, this can't happen. the original doctor, William Hartnell for those of you who don't know, is a meanie. the 15 year old is from the 43rd century, and her teachers in the 20th century followed her into the tardis even though doctor who told them not too, and now he won't let them out. i like the crazy special effects and soundscapes in the original doctor who [an unearthly child, 1963], the visuals are so lame and combined with the sounds gives me the impression the writers were on an acid trip while making this ep. it has ended with the tardis landing on some foreign planet, and the shadow of some creature walking toward it. man i love the doctor who music. i wish it was my ringtone. [i've really snapped and gone doctor loco haven't i?]
"the cave of skulls" the creature that cast the shadow is a cave man. i think they've traveled back to the stone-age. the cave men can speak english. and make fire. and hunt. the doctors companion calls him grandfather. how can doctor who have a granddaughter? i dont see how time lords could ever be in one time long enough to reproduce. or why they would need to considering how they can just reincarnated themselves as a younger, hotter version of themselves [going by matt smith and comparing him to this grumpy goop... WHO SMOKES A PIPE! awesome]. the humans can't figure out who he is and what his name is, so they call him doctor who? when i was at the davey crockett ranch at disney land in paris when i was nine an ad for doctor who came on and they were going on and on about this doctor coming up on the in room disney channel and my parents laughed and said "ah, the doctor" and i was getting angry that i didn't get the joke and i was like "what doctor? doctor who?" and all they said was "yeah". grr.
the cavemen want to feed him to a lion because they don't think he can make fire. but since the great fire maker died, neither can they. cavemen are dumb, how did we ever get so advanced...
i'm going to stop blogging while im watching it and just watch it. old tv shows are confusing enough, but old doctor who written by acid tripping hippy's in '63, wow.
btw, lovely_girl and i broke a world record today; most amount of people dressed as comic book super heroes in one place at the one time. we rule. go melbourne. anyway, i went as black canary, as i have mentioned previously, and lovely_girl went as cat woman and so many people wanted to take our picture it was funny. parents were even handing us their kids to get pictures. some old hag dressed as wonder woman said she liked my outfit and then said that it wasn't right because black canary has blue fishnets and i had black on. in my head i told her wonder woman wasn't a size 20 with an ugly pale blue velvet cape. stupid fat nerd. i was the only black canary too, so cop that. the main thing was, we broke the record.

feedback

I'm not going to go on a salam pax style rant about the comment i got on one of my posts because i don't like starting arguments with people who don't understand satire and anonymously have goes at people on their blogs. other feedback i have been getting at first made me happy because people are reading it and that makes me feel good, but i have taken one particular comment from my lovely_coffee_companion on board and decided to stop complaining about because i am blessed to actually have a job in such a difficult economic climate, and i am doing something easy that anyone can do, so i am thankful that i do it. i guess i'm just a little sick of being treated like a second class citizen when i have been at the place for almost a year. i don't think that i'm better than this job because let's face it, i don't actually have a degree yet and i don't have any other practical job getting skills. i'd just like it if the the bosses and those above me ie been working there longer, wouldn't talk down to me when asking me to do something or explaining something they think i don't know yet. i am 20 years old now, have a relatively high iq and can understand basic social norms, so when you want to tell me something or ask me to do something just ask me as your colleague. i'm not stupid or slow or inept. i understand. and if i notice something and ask for help don't yell at me or get angry, just accept the situation and move on. when i first started there the bosses told me that "people make mistakes, so when you do just tell us and we'll try and fix it". but that doesn't happen and unless they get a personality make over it never will. and being physically abused by another member of staff is no reason to be told off. i am well within my rights to hate said person so don't you dare yell at me because you hire complete social retards who don't know what is and isn't inappropriate. one last little gripe i have. when you're middle aged and trying to be cool with your young staff, it is not ok to laugh at someone because they are lactose intolerant and due to never once drinking milk in their lives don't know what milk is meant to taste like. not cool, i could sue for that.
ok. so i won't be using my blog to vent about my job any longer. i guess i was just using the space to get things off my chest so i'm not continually unloading on the boy and lovely_girl. they get enough of my negativity from every interaction i have with the_bragger. which is well justified. and about living in bacchus marsh. also well justified. so much negativity from small town people. i know we're meant to be the nicest and most thoughtful in terms of looking out for each other type people, but if you've been out of that circle for a while, it tends to be quite exclusive and hard to relate to. not all groups, just the ones that always bought me down. but perhaps i should become introverted again like i was in high school and tell everything to a psychiatrist. or i could put it in my passport. i had wanted that to be full of my amazing ideas, the kind that if read after my passing would enlighten those i met with the complex inner workings in my brain and the way i see the world around me. i guess i could get another diary and call it job therapy. i wouldn't want to waste a moleskin on it.
tonight the boy and i are going to attempt to watch the worst movie of all time. i bought it with me last time i went to his house but we never got around to watching it. [sunday nights are full of such great, quality entertainment ie doctor who, bones, castle, 30 rock etc.] i hope it is as bad as i've been lead to believe. i have watched glen or glenda, another gem from director/writer/producer/editor edward d. wood jnr and it was pretty damn bad. but i wasn't really in a mindset to watch it so perhaps i will give it another chance. i started watching plan 9 from outer space but decided to wait so i could watch it with the boy. i think these kind of films are better enjoyed with company. if there is one good thing i can say about edward d. wood jnr it's that he is truly an essential example of a true auteur. imagine writing an essay on auteur theory about him... what a dream.
i've decided on three films i wish to do my next cinema essay on, so now i just have to narrow it down to two. i have chosen the topic about the male gaze and the presence of females in classic hollywood films as being somewhat of a spectacle. so the films i have chosen are "the seven year itch", "funny face"/"breakfast at tiffany's" and "psycho". hopefully it will be a good essay, unlike my last.
i brought my thermos to uni today, full to the brim with minestrone soup. i need to start bringing my lunch because i spend way too much money on food when i'm at uni and like i mentioned before, i don't have a lot of money to go throwing around.
i have so many negative people in my like at the moment. i cannot wait until this year is over so that when i'm not invited to stuff when everyone else is i won't feel so bad. especially when, for instance, the_bragger invites the boy to things when the only reason they know each other is through me and without me would have no connection what so ever.

why do sparks fly when some lame baddy hits a power ranger?

i didn't talk yesterday about this weeks episode of doctor who, which was set in venice and featured what one would think were vampires but which actually turned out to be fish from space. apparently the cracks that keep plaguing amy showed up on the planet the fish were from and so before their planet was destroyed they escaped to earth. apparently only the men survived so the queen aka the only female left, pretended to be a human and ruled over venice, scaring all the citizens into giving her their daughters so they didn't get consumed by the plague and then she turned them into alien fish so she could repopulate her race. but the doctor gets onto her and decided to save venice from a giant sinking storm and in turn, the queens race has no future as all the girls are blown up in an explosion. then the queen makes the doctor feel guilty about letting a whole race disappear just to save one city. again. apparently doctor who let's a lot of races die off just so he can save the human race. i'm glad we're so special to him. i said maybe it's because he looks like a human, but then josh said that we look like him, because the time lords came first. so maybe he feels a bit like a father/protector of the human race. we are better than gross space fish so i could see why. i only wish more humans looked exactly like him.
they went to croatia to film the episode. i hope they come down to australia to film an episode. they got all the locals to be extras in the first scene so i'd just like to tell the doctor who location scouts out there, that if you need somewhere awesome to film that is full of awesome people who will be the best damn extras you've ever had then you can come to melbourne. we won't mind at all. and you can pretty much film here from free because the mayor of melbourne is an idiot and wants to do stupid things like ban bogans [you may call them chav's] in the city, ban busking [which is a big part of the culture of this city] and let cars drive through swanston street [which is a street that runs right through the middle of the city and can only be accessed at the moment by bikes, trams, delivery vans and taxi's]. if you wanted somewhere slightly greener you could come further out into the country. lot's of people come to film in my town. they came here for charlotte's web [the farm was here] and for ghost rider [there was some sort of fair set up with fake people on the carousal and ferris wheel, i'm not sure which of the two films it was for] and mad max was filmed on the back roads. we have pretty good roads out here. so come film here.
as we were looking through pictures on the net of our super hero alter egos we discovered that both black canary and catwoman have been immortalised in barbie form. they're not as hot as the comic versions of themselves obviously because they are little girl play things and not drawn by horny nerdy men. but apparently there's a new busty barbie, so perhaps that is about to change. i think busty barbie is a great idea. girls with big boobs need a better role model than pamela anderson. i mean i don't know how to dress these d's verging on double d's [or e's as lovely_girl has an inkling] in an elegant way. people are often surprised when i get them out because i either let is all hang out or i cover them up. i've been more inclined to cover them up in the past because they scare me. the potential of big breasts is overwhelming. and all the clothes i want to wear are for little breasted women. but now that i have the boy i am not so scared of them and i get them out every now and then with a nice pushy corset top, or a low low low cut dress.
anyway, this is the busty barbie from the story [sorry the picture isn't very good].

my favourite part of the story was this mother that the reporter decided to talk to about the busty barbie [because mums are experts on anything that have to do with children simply because they have children themselves].

she was complaining about busty barbie's big boobs and her low cut shirt. HELLO! woman, have a look at your own outfit before you go complaining about barbie. honestly woman. she's basically saying to girls that they need to be busty and wear revealing clothing, and they don't [i'm paraphrasing because she spoke very poorly, but that was her point]. she's not saying that. she's saying that you can be proud of your body no matter what it looks like. not everyone has big breasts or can wear the high collared clothed old barbie wears because they'll look stupid trying to fit their big breasts into an outfit like that. so fucking get over it. you dont want you kids playing with busty barbie, DON'T BUY YOUR KIDS BUSTY BARBIE. they talked to another mum who was done to the nines despite the fact she seemed only to be staying at home looking after the kids playing with their normal barbies. she was more sensible saying that some barbies are made for older people, like the $100 barbie's that are meant to be collected and not played with, so if you think that busty barbie is not appropriate for your kids, leave her at the shop.
and seriously, when your breasts are made of plastic, what do you think they're going to look like...

colour fading

my rinse is fading. i don't know if i like the blond or the red better. i mean i love being sexy and red, but i also like the blond bombshell look that scarlett johansson is sporting these days. she's so glamorous. i wish i was glamorous. i think seeing as how my hair is so light already i will just go all the way now and make it white, and if i feel like going red later on then i will. the boy likes me either way.
today lovely_girl and i went to the comic shop to look at hot girl comic book super heroes and get inspiration for competitions for saturday. we also wanted to find costumes that would be easy to put together and that wouldn't cost us a bundle. lovely_girl is going as catwoman which requires tight black leggings, tight black leotard, black boots and a cat mask, maybe a whip for good measure. or maybe something fancier, depending on what kind of catwoman she wants to go as.

i'm going as black canary because a) it's easy and b) she's a blond babe. i got fishnet stockings today, i have the leotard already, i'm going to borrow my mums black boots [same size feet], so all i need now is the choker, the leather jacket and some gloves. the_boy said he was going to go as green arrow. in comic land green arrow and black canary are together, so it works out well for us. maybe we can set up lovely_girl with a nice cute batman. what a story to tell the grand kids...

grand_kid "how did you and grand pa meet nan?"
lovely_girl "i was catwoman and he was batman, and the rest just came naturally."

anyway, this is what my baben' alter ego looks like.

the green arrow is a bit of a dorky looking dude so i'm not going to ruin the wonderful aesthetics of my blog with a picture. you can google him. and if you don't want to, just imagine a slightly camp, comic hero version of robin hood [if you can].
while we were in the comic shop today we found some doctor who comics and were rather smitten with the fact that the comic book doctor looks like david tenant. this got me thinking. perhaps new doctor who comic doctor will look like matt smith. oh man, what a dream. next time i'm in the comic shop im going to ask the comic book dudes to hold me the new series of the doctor who comics as soon as the comic doctor starts looking like matt smith. i went looking to find when this might happen but when i googled doctor who comics i found this. no, you are not mistaken, this site does enable you to make your own doctor who comics. ah-maze-ing. god, how good would matt smith look in comic form... hot. i would buy two copies of the comics and put the pictures on my walls. yummy.
but i'm not allowed to go near matt smith on account of me having the boy and lovely_girl currently being single [but perhaps only til saturday, if you're reading this batman, be at fed square at 10am] so she has bagsed him. though he is on my list with edward norton and sam rockwell, so when i am allowed near him again, it's on.
i signed up to the chuck palahniuk fan site mailing list because i was reading the ebook on saturday night and found out that he consults closely with the site people, is a bang up guy, and answers all of his fan mail. he is not accepting fan mail at the moment [i think because he's working on his next novel] so i have signed up so i know when the address to send fan mail to is put back up on the site as soon as it happens so i can send him a letter telling him how much i love him and to come to australia.
anyway, every one has gone to bed which means the heater will go off soon and as it is still raining and i love falling asleep with the heater on when it's raining outside im going to go straight to be now and read the real [non-abridged for dumb people] version of "do androids dream of electric sheep?" until i dream of sheep.

have i mentioned i hate my job?

i got into an argument with one of the waitresses i actually like tonight because i was making a dessert when another girl was already there making desserts and complaining because i wasn't helping set up for the 40 people that were waiting outside for tables that needed to be cleaned and she got angry that i didn't help and i lost it because i was helping, i reset a whole table and half of the next one until i ran out of forks and cat_bitch came over with new forks for finish setting up, so i went back to the desserts because half the people on the tables they were going to had their desserts and the rest of the diners were waiting and i over estimated how long they'd been waiting a little bit and she came over to show me their dockets and how long they had been in the restaurant for and thus they could have waited and i said "yes, and in the time it took you to find that docket and prove your stupid point you could have been getting drinks off your tables, meanwhile, i've looked after mine and i can help without distractions now". yeah, that told her. what a fucking idiot. i raise my voice far too much considering how much i'm getting paid. and then she had the nerve to tell me to knock off at 10 when i only started at 6.30, so i told her i started last and that wasn't fair, send someone else home, and because she's all chummy with the others she didnt. oh well, fuck, at least they got their just desserts when the had to clean up the chuck in the mens toilets resulting in them chucking themselves. bitches.
i ended up signing off at 11.15, which gives me a total of 4 hours and 45 minutes worth of pay this week. yep, i asked for 3 shifts and i got 1. no wonder i have less than $100 in my bank account for the first time in about 7 months. we got quite a few tips though, which was good. $5. that's nothing for the boy at his work. one public holiday eve he got $75. that's more than i will make in wages this week, and he made it in tips alone. i want to work where he works, but he'd never let me. i really need a new job.
when i got home i walked in to find my dad and his younger brother watching an old sean connery james bond movie. then they started talking about tv shows they watch and my uncle said he's been watching doctor who and we had a little chat about how good the new series is. dad said he thinks it's funny that i watch it and i told him that the new doctor is a babe. the male parental unit then asked his sibling if he watched it because the new doctor is a babe and he answered "no i watch because his companion is a bit of alright". so i went onto the boys facebook where i send him hot pictures of karen gillan and showed him some baben' pictures of the companion. she is very hot. and i am the coolest niece ever. and the best girlfriend. the boy loves me sending him pictures of the doctors fine companion.
i think she is so fine that i have dyed my hair red again. a bit more orange than it used to be, i used to dye it quite a dark red, but karen gillan's is natural and that's the effect i wanted. it's still a little light because my hair being blond and all is very light. im not quite used to it so im not sure if my rash decision to go rang again was a good one, but i'll get used to it. and the boy won't mind at all.
i am currently loading an e-book called "reading chuck palahniuk: american monsters and literary mayhem". i love chuck palahniuk. he's pretty much my favourite author. i mean i love the great gatsby, it's probably my faveourite novel, but other f. scott fitzgerald books i've read have not enthused me too much. i'm thinking that the tattoo i get will be the last line of the great gatsby around my wrist like a bracelet. i've had that in my mind for a while so i think i will get it. a little while ago i thought i might get the lyric from the beatles song tomorrow never knows which goes "turn off your mind relax and float downstream, this is not dying" because it's existential [which is the philosophy of life i like to think i follow] and it's quite beautiful. this is living, not dying [although it is, if chuck has taught us anything it is that on a long enough time line the survival rate for everyone drops to zero] so we should make the most of it. but if you look at the quote at the side of my blog there, you'll see that i really love the gatsby quote.
i'm going to go learn me a bit about reading chuck palahniuk now.

shit, a gay MP

can people just get over the fact that there are men out there who love men. now the media is hounding NSW transport minister david campbell because he was shot coming out of a gay club. he has had to stand down from his position as transport minister but shall continue to represent his electorate. the media are trying to be a bit ok with the fact that he is perhaps gay [as all he was shot doing was coming out of a "gay sex club" which i think is evil media language for strip club, but sex sounds seedier] they're just sort of outraged by the fact that he used his governmental car to get there. oh shock horror. and the NSW premiere is all "as a woman i am worried about his wife and his children" [i was paraphrasing there but that's the gist] and no-one seems to be concerned about the fact that this pretty old man is having a little bit of a personal crisis, i mean he's married and has a family, but he seems to be having some feelings that are perhaps new to him. why isn't there anyone trying to help him? i mean if his confusing feelings weren't enough he has people all "he shouldn't be using his car like that" "he should resign", blah blah blah.
in other gay news, babe-a-licious doctor matt smith is going to play Christopher Isherwood in the new film Christopher and His Kind where he shall star alongside douglas booth, who played boy george in Worried About The Boy. douglas will be a street sweeper who becomes matt's lover. mhmm. matt mackin' on with a boy. i am even more determined to become famous now and star alongside matt smith as his lover because it seems he's willing to kiss anyone. that would be an absolute dream come true. not that i'm not happy with the boy, but seriously, how awesome would it be to say that you've made out with a doctor [not the medical kind, the timelord kind].
i'm thinking of dying my hair red again. i just love karen gillan so much, she's adorable. and the boy really likes red heads so i'm thinking i might go back and be all baben' again. i don't know. i'm torn. i like my blonde hair, and i do really want to get my hair bleached white, but i'm so torn, i keep finding old pictures of my red hair and i just love it, it was so low maintenance. i've done something very gen y plastic and put the thought to my facie friends. let someone else decide because i just can't.
i think i'll go have some tea and look in the op shop, maybe buy a red rinse or something. i feel like some green rose because it's awesome and makes me feel super groovy. and i have not been to the op shop for ages. i really really really wanna look like this...

oh when will this year end...

i'm not going to complain about uni this time because i'm sure anyone who may be actually read this would be getting sick of it. poor little privileged capitalist sitting in her lecture theatre getting a higher education. :( how sad for you, you have to struggle so long for a degree to get you a job with a per annum pay cheque that will buy you all the creature features you don't need to survive on a basic human level but crave anyway in your decadent existence you. so no more uni complaints [for now] and in three weeks, none for ages as i will be on holidays.
so i finally caught up with some past doctors who's on iview and after yet another solid 42 mins of matt smith [have i mentioned he's a babe?] i decided i wanted to learn more about the doctor and his many faces for i went onto the library catalogue and borrowed all the doctor who dvds in the rmit library collection.

are you salivating yet?
i am. god i love his hair. i wish the boy would do his hair like that. super sexy. i don't think i'd ever put my pants back on when he's around.
so on the holidays when i borrow some of these and i come back from my little detox from life where i'll be healthying it up at the beach for a week, i shall be a proper expert and shall start collecting figurines of the doctors and maybe even a blow up tardis.
i've been feeling a little run down. i blame the assignments personally, but it may just be this bug catching up with me [everyone in my family has had it and somehow, until now, i avoided it]. i wanted to have some tea when i finally got home [the train was broken so i left uni at 4 but didn't get home til 6] but i felt a little too ill to stomach it so i resorted to lemsip instead. i hope i don't make myself worse by missing medicine. i haven't taken anything properly medicinal, i just had some zinc, echinacea, vitamin b and c, garlic, fish oil, other stuff that has ridiculous names that sound like bob geldof's children and are totally un-pronounceable. i don't think those things would mix badly. i mean you cook those things together. i think broccoli has them all maybe. whatever, if i have a turn for the worst i will let you know so that in future you won't make the same mistake.
what is the afl's problem with players being gay? seriously, i know all the jock types whose careers revolve around this circle are massively homophobic and seem to be somewhat misogynistic, example:

football player: wanna go back to my place.
me: no.
football player: you should.
me: why should i?
football player: because i play afl.
me: i don't care.
football player: you should.
me: well i don't, so get over it.
football player: most girls would kill to go home with me.
me: so go find one of them.
football player: what's your problem, do you know who i am?
me: no, i follow soccer.
football player: k bai.

but really, ian roberts came out and he's a rugby player, which if you went up to new south wales and heard the people up their going on about gay F L, that rugby would be worse but he became a real icon and was honoured at the tate modern in london. so really guys, get over it. people are gay and it's a beautiful thing that they aren't demonised the way they used to be. i mean if it wasn't bad enough that they still can't get married, have ivf or adopt, they have dickhead football players saying it's inappropriate. get you head out of your ass.
i can't remember what i really got on here to say so i'll just leave it there.

lost my passport

notebook. v. upset because i had been putting all my thoughts in there and i am somewhat lost without it. i just realised that one of the courses i have to do next semester i have already done, so i thought i might do a fun elective like photography or something but it's full, then i thought i might do alternative animation, but it has pre-requisites, which really defeats the purposes of it being a student elective, the school of fine arts is just determined to only offer its courses to school of fine arts students and not poach from other schools. bitches. drawing is also full, and so is painting. i just wanted to do something easy so i could focus on getting some better marks in my final semester, because i pretty much hate all my subjects right now and i just want this year to be over so i can get my degree and move on.
today i went vintage shopping with jacinta and i stopped myself from buying a big black faux fur jacket and a little tiny piano. i think i showed some great control over my spending. my saving has been going well. i've saved heaps of money, all my tips for the whole year. sometimes it seems like they aren't going to count the tips or they're going to put them all into the christmas fund, which is very unfair because we work really hard for those tips, and i think we should get them regardless. when i'm still in the restaurant after closing i always count them even when there's only like 60 cents each, that's my 60 cents and i'm going to save them. anyway, i spent money on lunch and tea. we went to this cafe in degraves that had old fold up cinema chairs as the decor and was totally awesome. i also got us a cupcake to share and it had glitter on the icing. i know, edible icing on a cupcake. it was amazing.
i'm really super dooper sick of hearing about that damn jessica watson girl who sailed around the world. i mean good on her, i think her achievement is amazing, especially considering how young she is and what not, but they keep throwing around all this 'sailed solo around the world unassisted' crap. she sailed solo around the world, but not unassisted, she had the internet and a phone, so whenever something went wrong she'd just get on her blog and call out for help or call her parents for help. that is not unassisted. it is very much assisted, i mean she may as have had someone on the boat with her with the kind of help the daily evening news was reporting on. i mean jesse martin didn't have any help at all. there were no blogs and crap, no fancy phones. he did it the hard way.
and really, how can you take someone in a pink boat seriously...
on another note, sundays doctor who was fucking freaky. those weeping angel things were scary as, only moving when you're not looking at them. freaky. every time the lights flickered back on they were closer. creepy. but the episode ended well with amy pond coming onto the good doctor in a hot and heavy way. i wish i was amy pond. kissing that hottie would be a dream come true.

seriously though, can you blame me..
what a babe. no-one ever made tweed look so damn sexy. i wish i had a man in tweed.

damn you imovie

there's someone on my damn computer again. i am planning to be here until 9pm however, so hopefully they have moved on by then and i can jump on and finish my damn my tribe crap. the trouble with imovie is, is that it takes ages to fine tune to share settings to get a compact film that can be uploaded to the internet and still look fucking awesome, so last week when i made the movie and ran out of time to bounce it down, i had hoped i would be able to save the project onto my usb stick and transfer it onto a different computer to bounce down. unfortunately imovie is stupid and the project can only be saved as an imovie project onto the computer it is made on. thus, every time i have been back to this damn lab there has been someone on my computer.
i just got my cinema essay back. it was really bad. i'm a little upset because i usually do pretty well at the whole cinema essay writing thing, but i have been so caught up with other crap going on with my life and these stupidly intense huge projects for my other subjects that i've just let this go by the way side because it's something that i'm used to doing by now and therefore something i shouldn't need to think too much about. it's the same with my damn blogging. we have had to do it so much that it has just been rapidly dropping off to complete non-existence. the most blogging i did for uni was in networked media when our project was all computer and internet based and we had our class at a computer. with it right there it's easy to do, but when you actually have to go out of your way to write up a few blog posts it becomes a major effort.
the guy on my computer must think i'm checking him out or something because i keep turning around to try my jedi mind powers on him and get him to finish up and go home so i can get my damn film off the computer and online.
he's just playing around with letters on photoshop. those design kids must spend half their life on photoshop. bit like me with protools last year. i'm really annoyed with myself about this cinema essay. i've never gotten such a low mark. overall the comments didn't condemn the essay too much, just basically that i wasn't concise or focused i guess would be the word, but i can forgive myself for that. i probably would have done one grade better if my damn computer still had a spell checker. i have fairly disgraceful spelling.
iview wont work on this computer. i thought i might just catch up on some doctor who because i've been working on sundays, but iview doesnt bloody work on this computer. bloody heck. when will the shit end.
two years ago when i was working at the inpress office my life was so much easier. i didn't worry about money or when my next shift was going to be because it was the same time every week. i never missed out on tickets for things because if i did there were always media ones to get. i didn't let my outside life affect my uni work. i didn't worry about my bank balance or where i was going to live. two years ago my life was perfect. i lived for me and didn't care what people thought. i knew who my real friends were. i wasn't attached to anyone and i didn't care. i wasn't tired, or depressed or lazy. i think i need to find someone to talk to who will just listen and not tell me all their problems as well. why can't i clone a mini mr quach and carry him around with me to pull out when i need comforting or encouragement. i never used to be so self conscious or pathetic.

two more weeks of class

so the holidays are fast approaching and i cannot wait. as much as i want to use these holidays to get a head start on things for next semester, i am so sick of getting screwed around by the uni that i just want to go down the beach for a week, drop some acid, turn off my mind, relax and float down stream. the new rmit website is driving me mental. i liked it much better before when everything was just laid out in front of us and we didnt have to go on huge cryptic journey's trying to find the freakin enrolment page to see what classes we have next semester. i only had to log in once, not every single time i navigate to a new page. and why the fuck does facebook keep screwing up. i know i sound like a stupid whiney gen y kid when i complain about not being able to go on facebook, but as i mentioned earlier, i have a social media assignment this semester and must access the evil site in order to work on said project. when i can't even read the messages from my group members, what hope do i have from communicating with said group. still loading. actually the site says it's done loading, but the darn squiggle next to the "messages" button is still waving away and the page is blank so i assumed it was still working away. now blogger is freezing. they are determined from not letting my voice be heard. i printed off a list of computer rooms us media kids are allowed to use and i have information for the bureaucrats sitting in their thrones up their in fantasy world... there are either always classes in there or they are empty rooms that do not have computers in them and are therefore not computer rooms.
im stuck in the library, wrestling with this shitty keyboard that is a bitch to type on [biceps anyone?] after stalking around staring at other people using computers jedi mind powering them into leaving their computer so i can use it, and then when i finally do get on a crappy library pc, im sat next to some crazy old lady who i think just snuck onto a computer that someone forgot to log out of. i thought she might be a tempt or a student here, but she flicked through a folder, printer something, moved her glasses up an down her nose and then left, turned the computer off, left her folder and bag here and disappeared talking to herself. how do these people even get in to the rmit library?
i just downloaded my new roster. on the piece of paper they put on the wall at work where we cross off the days we cant work before the new roster comes out we're allowed to request things like "amap" which stands for "as many as possible" and i stopped doing this because apparently "as many as possible" to my bosses means one shift a week, if that. so this time around i wrote "at least three shifts a week" and for the first week i have one, for the second week i have one. it's not until the third week of the roster that i get at least three shifts a week, and then two weeks after that the restaurant closes for a week so the bosses can go on a holiday. i really need a new job.
i might finally go and see...
oh wait, she's back. still mumbling to herself, but now she has some kind of slip. she's either doing some kind of religious studies, or a cooking class. i can't quite tell, her notes are in that really slopey old school script.
anyway, i might finally go and see a single man tonight as it is on at nova at 9.15pm, which gives me plenty of time to get some work done, and then go enjoy myself. but if i remain as tired as i am right now i may just go home and go to bed. my breath tastes bad so i think i'll go and either get one of those nifty on the go toothbrushes collgate have where on the add some girl is in a bar about to pick up with some sleazy guy and she tells him to hold on a minute while she runs off to the corner of the club to brush her teeth and then comes back to mac on with him.
but i'll probably just get chewy.

doctor who

tonights episode of dr who was scary. i still don't want to think about it. those weeping angels. *shudders*
but anyway, after we watched the episode and dr who confidential came on the boy was laying with his head at my legs and his feet at the other end of the couch, so he was upside down to me. i swear, upside down the boy looks like matt smith aka the babin' new dr. i sure did luck out indeed. i tried to take a picture to show him what i could see but i couldn't get my phone at the right angle. disappointing. he'll have to sit with his face upside down to me from now on so i can perv on my own little dr who. i need a poster of the new doctor and his babin' companion.
i don't mind the boy liking her. he still really likes ladies of the red headed persuasion. i wonder if he's disappointed that when we met i was only faking it? i'm a blondie now, and hopefully soon after getting some more shifts and getting some more money i shall have white hair, but i won't put a return to red headedness completely out of the books. having red hair is pretty easy and low maintenance. although my roots have been coming through fairly, well, fair. my hair tends to do that, it really responds to colour. i love my hair. i wish is would hurry up and grow a bit quicker though. i mean it grows remarkably and almost unbelievably quickly, but i really want beautiful long flowing hair that covers up the important bits venus de milo style. or is that eve in the shell? i get them mixed up a lot. i'm not really a classic art aficionado. i know the mona lisa's and statue of david stuff, but i;m more of a modern art lover, lichtenstein and man ray type stuff.
why is hair so expensive...
in other news, i'm hunting down a poster of a huge amount of the DC comic book characters because the boy is more a DC guy, but he has a big poster with heaps of the marvel characters on it. i also wish to acquire a green lantern t-shirt, a proper one with the logo on it, not like some shitty picture of the green lantern on a t-shirt. it's proving to be quite hard. i think all the nerds in melbourne have already got them all and because there are so few nerds in melbourne they will not bring out any more. and apparently comic book people [as in the shop kinds] haven't seen a good poster of the dc universe for a while. but i'll keep looking. i'm determined.

oops

i've been pretty slack with my photo of the days lately. i keep forgetting and waking up in the middle of the night to take some crappy picture of a magazine, book or newspaper i read that day or a film i watched. sometimes it's just a picture of how messy my room is or an outfit i like which i can also use for one of my projects at uni. i started off so well. i think i'd be better at it if i had a film camera because i'd be more selective with my shots and i'd actually look out more for things to take pictures off instead of having days where i take heaps of photos and days when i forget.
i have been writing a bit more though. my passport notebook has helped because i feel kinda quirky when i whip it out to do a little writing. and my multi-coloured pen. when i do different entries in different colours it orders my thoughts in a pretty way.

my phone vibrates harder when the sound is on than when it's simply set to vibrate. i don't know why.

i really just want this year to be over. my heart isn't in study any more. i just want to work and be getting a pay off at the end after all my stressing out. that's getting to be the worst part of studying. i'm doing so much work and i'm still really poor. i don't think i'll go and get a career next year, i', not entirely sure what i want to do with my life, i just want to be doing some dull, meaningless job somewhere and earning heaps of money so i can go and see the world, or move somewhere really awesome. be able to just go to a hair dressers and get my hair died white and not having to save up for it for a month or so. not worrying so much about eating out, even when the meal amounts to a measly $6. i don't know what i could do though. i should probably have multiple jobs. i just want this year to be over.

if i love a man does that make me a crap feminist?

warm turkish apple tea from t2 is awesome on a really cold day. the bom is doing nothing for me at the moment, once the average temp for the day is below 18C, put more clothes on. even with my big warm jacket on today i was cold because my legs and my face were not in said jacket and they were still really cold. brr.
but im home now and in the mood for more ranting. [i do it quite on. i think the title of led zeppelin's opus ramble on was inadvertently inspired by me as is does in fact have little to do with the lord of the rings content of the song.]
i just want to have a little bitch about iron man 2 because i went to see it with the boy on saturday and i was really torn. i know that sam rockwell is kind of type cast some times as an unsuspecting bad guy but it's really hard for me to truly hate him because i love him and when i'm meant to hate his character i just can't help but think that it's the fault of the script writers for not giving him sufficient material to work with. i do like his moves though. he must just throw that in himself. but enough of sam. i was disappointed by the lack of proper character development in the story because i know from what i've read of hulk and future spider man and the release of captain america and thor films that all these marvel entertainment productions are gearing up for a huge avengers series bringing the major superheros together. fair enough you're setting up for an avengers series and major sequels [i don't know if you'd still call an avengers film a sequel because it would be a sequel to so many films]. ok, so, set up the films sequels, but don't lose site of the story at hand. firstly, scarlett johansson, what a baben' black widow, but there's more to her than that. she didn't just show up at shield, she was a russian spy who defected. i'm sensing a prequel is in order here. i mean if wolverine gets one, then she should too. wolverine's crap. but i think iron man is a pretty damn good character, but the films make him out to be quite shallow and self involved. he's as deep and troubled as batman or any of the dc dudes, but he doesn't get the credence he deserves. i mean they touched on it with the whole father thing but he's so much more than that. his strength comes from his genius and the fact that he is able to tap into this despite his up bringing and how privileged he is. i mean he invents a friggin' new element in the new one, he's a bloody genius. and he recognises that the world needs a superhero, someone like robin hood who'll stand up for the average joe. someone who will shut down the big bad no matter who he is. but he just seems like a brat. in the tv series and from what i've read online of the comics he's more of a cryptic characters in a cryptic situation, inheriting his fathers empire and trying his best to try and figure out what he's left behind as well as struggling with the stark legacy. i mean his dad is a good guy. right? i mean he wants peace, but he designs and builds weapons. i think it's all too complicated for the films to go in to.
me and the boy were comparing iron man and spiderman in terms of awesomeness, morals and superness and we got into a heated argument about origins and he bit me. this is how much we care about comic books.

fucking institutions

i'm reading the baghdad blog at the moment [in book form] so i know that in comparison i really have nothing to complain about because the likelihood of me being bombed right now, in a uni, in melbourne in australia is very very slim, but in terms of privileged, higher educated, western, capitalist, 20 year old gen y girl problems i have quite a bit to complain about.
firstly, rmit, when you built the new media and communications, i'm sorry, applied communications, i can't keep up with all your name changing so forgive me for being primitive, building, did you realise that the space aged design needed an instruction manual? the teachers and even the IT people have no idea how to change the images projected onto the screens when the equipment has a shit day and the touch screen ipad remote thing doesn't want to work, they barely know how to keep the lights from fading after 10 minutes of no action like a screen saver that monitors the inactivity of people sitting in a class room, or even simply turn them on and off. did you also notice that after you spent all your money on these ridiculous toys that the one computer lab in the building that us media students can access with out security cards is an advertising and communication design lab with insufficient media applications and the inconvenient detail of students constantly being kicked out for classes that have apparently booked the room despite there being no indication of this? then you go and turn our old lab into an art building and stick a fat disgruntled employee in there telling anyone who's not doing foundation studies in the field of fine art to piss off. then you go and put the secret student computer lab that used to be across the street and only ever had about 10 people in it and therefore a million free computers because only those savvy enough to look outside the library for a computer knew it was there, on campus, so that if you are lucky enough to get on a computer you then reach the awkward conclusion of not being able to get onto personal emails because this is somehow seen as dissenting activity and not fit for university despite the fact that many of us are conducting interviews with people as part of our many projects and need to access emails to coordinate these interviews. you also disallow us from access facebook where my tute group has a project to run, coordinating a facebook group for a user generated ABC website and in order to do said assignment need to actually get on facebook.then you block us from accessing blogger so we can complain about, or use it to present a project which is what we're aiming to do.
bloody freakin hell.
and don't even get me started on the bloody train leaving early today. 9.37 buddy, it says it on the timetable. 9.35 is not 9.37. i almost punched out the smug ticket selling lady when i purchased my ticket and she said "you've just missed the last one". i fucking know bitch, i saw it drive off as i came out of the park at 9.35.

dad just smashed my car

remember "remain alert, not alarmed", well since this time square car bomb debacle the US have been throwing around their own little snappy line, "if you see something, say something". remember when only bored, trapped house wives could get away with gossiping and staring out the window at their neighbours? i don't, i'm gen y so i've grown up in fear using facebook to spy on people and text messaging to gossip, locking doors and windows, walking on the opposite side of the road, not going too far into shady neighbourhoods etc. inspired by the slogan "loose lips sink ships", popular during war times in the early 20th century to stop people talking about national affairs in case spies were listening, but written by an advertising agency worker for a subway company. allen kay, the slogans ingenious writer, wanted to write something that would help society a little after september 11, and as well as becoming a post 9/11 i ♥ NY, it has clearly worked. i mean there would have been a lot of false calls, and i'm sure that seeing as how it took such a long for a police response to the car the police don't really appreciate societies heightened alertness. particularly when artists pop up with crazy silhouette sculptures of people standing on the edges of buildings, false calls would be part of their repertoire by now, but i guess a scare like this, even if it turns out the palestinians had nothing to do with it and it was just disgruntled muslim extremists pissed off with south park for making fun of the prophet muhammad, would shock authorities back into action.
growing up with these kinds of slogans always made me kind of desensitized to situations i ought to be looking out for, like smokers who have grown up buying cartons featuring mouth cancer and gross feet, yet continue to smoke anyway. i feel like im doing some government agency that's costing huge percentages of my tax money to run's job. i ought to be getting paid to spy on people in a creepy dobby kind of way.
i prefer to watch people behind the protection of my dark shades and write about their conversations or draw them in my moleskins. today i bought a notebook disguised as a passport. my first entry was about the triviality and traumatic experiences those who can not or did not ever have children and children who have no parents or who's mothers have died experience on mothers day and how once this devastating day has passed these people may not be able to get over a forward reminder of the days existence and your lack of child/mother after the event. friggin bogan's. mind your own bloody business, people don't catch trains to socialise with inappropriate degenerates.