lost my passport

notebook. v. upset because i had been putting all my thoughts in there and i am somewhat lost without it. i just realised that one of the courses i have to do next semester i have already done, so i thought i might do a fun elective like photography or something but it's full, then i thought i might do alternative animation, but it has pre-requisites, which really defeats the purposes of it being a student elective, the school of fine arts is just determined to only offer its courses to school of fine arts students and not poach from other schools. bitches. drawing is also full, and so is painting. i just wanted to do something easy so i could focus on getting some better marks in my final semester, because i pretty much hate all my subjects right now and i just want this year to be over so i can get my degree and move on.
today i went vintage shopping with jacinta and i stopped myself from buying a big black faux fur jacket and a little tiny piano. i think i showed some great control over my spending. my saving has been going well. i've saved heaps of money, all my tips for the whole year. sometimes it seems like they aren't going to count the tips or they're going to put them all into the christmas fund, which is very unfair because we work really hard for those tips, and i think we should get them regardless. when i'm still in the restaurant after closing i always count them even when there's only like 60 cents each, that's my 60 cents and i'm going to save them. anyway, i spent money on lunch and tea. we went to this cafe in degraves that had old fold up cinema chairs as the decor and was totally awesome. i also got us a cupcake to share and it had glitter on the icing. i know, edible icing on a cupcake. it was amazing.
i'm really super dooper sick of hearing about that damn jessica watson girl who sailed around the world. i mean good on her, i think her achievement is amazing, especially considering how young she is and what not, but they keep throwing around all this 'sailed solo around the world unassisted' crap. she sailed solo around the world, but not unassisted, she had the internet and a phone, so whenever something went wrong she'd just get on her blog and call out for help or call her parents for help. that is not unassisted. it is very much assisted, i mean she may as have had someone on the boat with her with the kind of help the daily evening news was reporting on. i mean jesse martin didn't have any help at all. there were no blogs and crap, no fancy phones. he did it the hard way.
and really, how can you take someone in a pink boat seriously...
on another note, sundays doctor who was fucking freaky. those weeping angel things were scary as, only moving when you're not looking at them. freaky. every time the lights flickered back on they were closer. creepy. but the episode ended well with amy pond coming onto the good doctor in a hot and heavy way. i wish i was amy pond. kissing that hottie would be a dream come true.

seriously though, can you blame me..
what a babe. no-one ever made tweed look so damn sexy. i wish i had a man in tweed.

damn you imovie

there's someone on my damn computer again. i am planning to be here until 9pm however, so hopefully they have moved on by then and i can jump on and finish my damn my tribe crap. the trouble with imovie is, is that it takes ages to fine tune to share settings to get a compact film that can be uploaded to the internet and still look fucking awesome, so last week when i made the movie and ran out of time to bounce it down, i had hoped i would be able to save the project onto my usb stick and transfer it onto a different computer to bounce down. unfortunately imovie is stupid and the project can only be saved as an imovie project onto the computer it is made on. thus, every time i have been back to this damn lab there has been someone on my computer.
i just got my cinema essay back. it was really bad. i'm a little upset because i usually do pretty well at the whole cinema essay writing thing, but i have been so caught up with other crap going on with my life and these stupidly intense huge projects for my other subjects that i've just let this go by the way side because it's something that i'm used to doing by now and therefore something i shouldn't need to think too much about. it's the same with my damn blogging. we have had to do it so much that it has just been rapidly dropping off to complete non-existence. the most blogging i did for uni was in networked media when our project was all computer and internet based and we had our class at a computer. with it right there it's easy to do, but when you actually have to go out of your way to write up a few blog posts it becomes a major effort.
the guy on my computer must think i'm checking him out or something because i keep turning around to try my jedi mind powers on him and get him to finish up and go home so i can get my damn film off the computer and online.
he's just playing around with letters on photoshop. those design kids must spend half their life on photoshop. bit like me with protools last year. i'm really annoyed with myself about this cinema essay. i've never gotten such a low mark. overall the comments didn't condemn the essay too much, just basically that i wasn't concise or focused i guess would be the word, but i can forgive myself for that. i probably would have done one grade better if my damn computer still had a spell checker. i have fairly disgraceful spelling.
iview wont work on this computer. i thought i might just catch up on some doctor who because i've been working on sundays, but iview doesnt bloody work on this computer. bloody heck. when will the shit end.
two years ago when i was working at the inpress office my life was so much easier. i didn't worry about money or when my next shift was going to be because it was the same time every week. i never missed out on tickets for things because if i did there were always media ones to get. i didn't let my outside life affect my uni work. i didn't worry about my bank balance or where i was going to live. two years ago my life was perfect. i lived for me and didn't care what people thought. i knew who my real friends were. i wasn't attached to anyone and i didn't care. i wasn't tired, or depressed or lazy. i think i need to find someone to talk to who will just listen and not tell me all their problems as well. why can't i clone a mini mr quach and carry him around with me to pull out when i need comforting or encouragement. i never used to be so self conscious or pathetic.

oops

i've been pretty slack with my photo of the days lately. i keep forgetting and waking up in the middle of the night to take some crappy picture of a magazine, book or newspaper i read that day or a film i watched. sometimes it's just a picture of how messy my room is or an outfit i like which i can also use for one of my projects at uni. i started off so well. i think i'd be better at it if i had a film camera because i'd be more selective with my shots and i'd actually look out more for things to take pictures off instead of having days where i take heaps of photos and days when i forget.
i have been writing a bit more though. my passport notebook has helped because i feel kinda quirky when i whip it out to do a little writing. and my multi-coloured pen. when i do different entries in different colours it orders my thoughts in a pretty way.

my phone vibrates harder when the sound is on than when it's simply set to vibrate. i don't know why.

i really just want this year to be over. my heart isn't in study any more. i just want to work and be getting a pay off at the end after all my stressing out. that's getting to be the worst part of studying. i'm doing so much work and i'm still really poor. i don't think i'll go and get a career next year, i', not entirely sure what i want to do with my life, i just want to be doing some dull, meaningless job somewhere and earning heaps of money so i can go and see the world, or move somewhere really awesome. be able to just go to a hair dressers and get my hair died white and not having to save up for it for a month or so. not worrying so much about eating out, even when the meal amounts to a measly $6. i don't know what i could do though. i should probably have multiple jobs. i just want this year to be over.

dad just smashed my car

remember "remain alert, not alarmed", well since this time square car bomb debacle the US have been throwing around their own little snappy line, "if you see something, say something". remember when only bored, trapped house wives could get away with gossiping and staring out the window at their neighbours? i don't, i'm gen y so i've grown up in fear using facebook to spy on people and text messaging to gossip, locking doors and windows, walking on the opposite side of the road, not going too far into shady neighbourhoods etc. inspired by the slogan "loose lips sink ships", popular during war times in the early 20th century to stop people talking about national affairs in case spies were listening, but written by an advertising agency worker for a subway company. allen kay, the slogans ingenious writer, wanted to write something that would help society a little after september 11, and as well as becoming a post 9/11 i ♥ NY, it has clearly worked. i mean there would have been a lot of false calls, and i'm sure that seeing as how it took such a long for a police response to the car the police don't really appreciate societies heightened alertness. particularly when artists pop up with crazy silhouette sculptures of people standing on the edges of buildings, false calls would be part of their repertoire by now, but i guess a scare like this, even if it turns out the palestinians had nothing to do with it and it was just disgruntled muslim extremists pissed off with south park for making fun of the prophet muhammad, would shock authorities back into action.
growing up with these kinds of slogans always made me kind of desensitized to situations i ought to be looking out for, like smokers who have grown up buying cartons featuring mouth cancer and gross feet, yet continue to smoke anyway. i feel like im doing some government agency that's costing huge percentages of my tax money to run's job. i ought to be getting paid to spy on people in a creepy dobby kind of way.
i prefer to watch people behind the protection of my dark shades and write about their conversations or draw them in my moleskins. today i bought a notebook disguised as a passport. my first entry was about the triviality and traumatic experiences those who can not or did not ever have children and children who have no parents or who's mothers have died experience on mothers day and how once this devastating day has passed these people may not be able to get over a forward reminder of the days existence and your lack of child/mother after the event. friggin bogan's. mind your own bloody business, people don't catch trains to socialise with inappropriate degenerates.