it wasn't you

high school related to high school as in someone i went to high school with who lives in the marsh, has just stopped working at the same work as me and is finally leaving to move on to greener pastures. and i'm sorry but i don't appreciate your double standards because forgive me for bringing it up but don't you do the same thing on a particular blog about a particular room mate.
what i write about the bragger is between me and a couple of lovely girls i have coffee and parties [last night was fun guys. drunk conversations about codys' and nicks' on the laundry floor is fun.] with, who enjoy our annoyance with said person being put into words because for some people, like people i went to school with, my words are funny. also, i haven't deleted her yet because she's still here talking about things with people that we'll still be living near, and i know i'm hopefully moving soon too, but small towns, tough environments.

anyway. i shouldn't have to justify myself when im attacked on my own blog. and after friday i was going to blog about you today. i was going to call it...

why don't you like me?

see, i was reading my old diary a while ago and i wrote a lot about you back then. for instance... "there's a girl in my cinema class who is really funny. she like's black books and is from a small[ish] country[ish] town too. we don't have any other classes together though, so i haven't really hung out with her a whole lot this year, but last week i wanted to go to the astor to see the grind house double so i suggested a bunch of us go. it was fun. i don't think i have ever laughed that much in a film before. i love having friends with the same interests as me. i love my uni friends." or how about this one... "last night i was meant to go to pony and see some noise band thing with brodie and iasha and louis and others i think, but i can't remember. anyway, i was watching black books and 'days of wine and roses' all day and i drank some wine. perhaps a bottle. no more than a bottle. a bit too much wine. anyway, it was pretty early so i thought make some dinner, have a nap, be all fresh for later. etc. anyway, at first the sickness i thought was wine related, but this morning i'm still sick and i can't move without needing to be more sick, or drink water without needing to be sick. anyway, mum came over for a surprise visit and she thinks it's food poisoning, so we threw everything out of my fridge because it's not freezing things properly. anyway, i can't really remember exact details of last night but i know that brodie is a legend because i do remember waking up in bed and realising that i think she put me in a taxi, told the driver my address and gave him some money. she's the best."
then all of a sudden, i'm seeing photo's on facebook [i know, how gen y is that] of events that you've organised with all our friends at uni and i didn't know a thing about it, or someone will say something like "why weren't you at dinner on friday?" and i don't know why because i didn't even know about dinner, and then you do, you did do the exact same thing and invite my boyfriend to something and not me, and when i asked about it you said you must have missed me on facebook and you would invite me and then you still didn't. and it's sad because i still thought we were kind of ok and that was all well and good, believable and maybe it had nothing to do with you and me at all, but when i try and say hi or join a conversation with a bunch of people at uni you instantly walk off and start talking to someone else. do i repulse you?
and it's not new. i suppressed it the first few times, but you have openly embarrassed me in front of my friends, told me off like i was a student and you were my teacher, and you've cut me off mid sentence like i was invisible. i don't appreciate feeling like less than adequate and i'm sorry i can't talk to you in person about this because i can already see the look on your face and the condescending "quirky" way you'd talk down to me and i don't want to deal with that.
and i don't think you're trying to become the boys best friend because, no offense, but he would never. the thing that annoys me about that is that the bragger has in the past, with other boys that i have been into, turned them away from me for one night of looseness at a party. i spent a lot of time in counseling trying to get over issues i have with exclusion, which wasn't helped by the fact that in year 12 a boy called ian invited everyone in our year level, including the bragger, who had never talked to ian until she heard he was having a party and his parents were paying for drinks, but didn't include me, and when i asked him where my invite was [after he gave one to everyone in front of me but not me] and he looked at her, then looked at me, and in front of everyone said "you're not invited". go figure, i still get pissed off about things like this. and it looks like you do too because you weren't included in my blog at all, but look, now you are.