anniversary, ruined

so, the story goes that after months of adoring and lusting after my friends friend from high school, who you would know as "the boy", we both had tickets to the same MIFF film and no-one to go with, so we went together. that was our first date, awkwardly sitting in the dark at the capitol theatre watching gay german zombies fornicate through any hole available, be it wound or otherwise as otto, the zombie with an identity crisis made his way through the german gay scene, mistaken for a method actor and put into a gay zombie porno, complete with epic zombie orgy with intestines and the likes while a lesbian filmmaker and her silent film actress girlfriend looked on, camera in hand. Otto; or, up with dead people, was a gratuitous kitsch romp, part porn, part comedy, part zombie apocalypse thriller, and all fun. after joining on such solid foundations, the boy and i are still together, 2 years down the track, and while reading this years MIFF program guide and realising that, being the second film of a late night double feature Bruce LaBruce's latest offering, L. A. Zombie, would be screening on our anniversary, we leapt at the opportunity to relive our humble beginnings at 1am on the morning of our 2 year anniversary and bought tickets at 9am the morning they went on sale.
but now it seems the classification board think our penchant for necrophilia and wound penetrating goodness is somehow inappropriate. donald mcdonald you nancy, we are under no illusions about the film, in the program guide under the program title "night shift", this is how L. A. Zombie is described:

The creator of Otto; Or, Up With Dead People (MIFF 08) extends his adventures in cinema's most unmarketable sub-genre - gay zombie porn.

Zombies don’t often come as fully-ripped as porn star François Sagat – except in Bruce LaBruce’s L.A. Zombie. Our anti-hero is convinced he’s an alien zombie sent to earth, where he roams the streets of Los Angeles in search of dead bodies and gay sex – an activity that reveals his ‘special gift’ of shagging the deceased back to life.

Conceived as a more hardcore companion piece to Otto, and featuring minimal dialogue but maximum soundtrack, L.A. Zombie raises the stakes with LaBruce’s infamous ‘schlock’ tactics – promising plenty of wound-shagging and more penises than you can shake a stick at.

Contains scenes that will offend.

with a right up like that you would expect a very select group of people to be purchasing tickets. if i wanted to see something lovey dovey and innocent i would have consulted the Next Gen program, but being the lover of trash and gore that I am, I opt for more alternative film viewing experiences. gory films i have trouble watching include documentaries featuring the mass slaughter of animals, such as food inc. or people such as war doco's and films about events such as the jonestown massacre. real violence that is not glorified or obviously completely fake. zombie violence i am fine with, dramatisations, no matter how visual, fine, but real violence makes me sick. we're a mature, progressive civilisation and we are smart enough as a viewing public to sense the difference between real and imagined, between entertainment and depravity.

Donald McDonald you rat, do you not understand the concept of the film festival as a space of freedom and expression, where films of all genres, sub-genre's, styles, countries and classifications are screened to an audience seeking a higher level of entertainment than the cheap [well expensive, but the value of the films is of an unspeakably low standard] hollywood tripe that rolls through the cinema's week after week to an audience of low level functioning twats and senior citizens, we have come to expect some genital mutilation, corpse violation and nazi zombie apocalypse's.

I am pretty much going to spend all my free time now trying to find the twitter [yes, i am going to go onto twitter for the first time ever] and facebook groups rallying to overturn the ban because it is ruining my perfect, depraved anniversary.

DAMN YOU OFLC!